The regrets of the living - mourning my sequin-wearing dancing aunty - 12/03/26

My magnificent sequin-wearing aunt.

Today I woke up early, before the bustle of the day, the chatter of traffic, before even the quipping of birds. But this day is not like any other; it’s the funeral of my favourite aunty in another country and I need to run to process why I’m not there. 

Aunty Mavis has been the BEST aunty I could ask for. She would feed me, hold me, comfort me and love me, especially when I was not an easy person to love. 

When she came to visit, she always brought gifts or sent a little something for me; however, her greatest gift was her kindness, her warmth, her smile.  She was a beautiful human with the biggest, kindest heart and boy, could she dance. 

My aunts' children, Lissa, Yvonne, and Beverely, my cousins, have always been the best of cousins to me. Cousins who have always stood by me, when I was naughty, when I was a headache 🙂 when I got married, when my dad, their uncle, passed away. Never has there been an occasion when they wouldn’t make time for another trip for pancakes, collection from the airport. Never has there been a time when they haven’t been here for the simple things or the big things. Their homes are an extension of my home, their husbands and children providing that generation and physical security needed to not feel alone in the world. It’s heartbreaking not to be with you in this moment. 

My cousins Lissa and Beverley, and my wife.

George Floyd was a moment where the world got to see my lived reality as a ‘Black’ man. I have previously written about the murder of Ahmaud Arbery. I have written about Amy Cooper, these things influence how I have to navigate the world. However, now we have ICE, which is simply terrifying. Numerous cases of British people being detained recently whilst on holiday in the US isn’t something I can choose to ignore. 

Rationally, the probability is nothing would happen to me, if I travel to the USA, however, I look at my daughter, 2 years 5mths and rationality drains away. My gut/spirit has told me not to go/prevented me from going, it’s like I’m paralysed by fear. So instead, here I am feeling useless and terrible, slightly broken and lost. I need to run, all I can do is run. 

Precious little ones.

To my cousins and the rest of my family, I am truly sorry I’m not with you today to bear witness to your grief, to pay my respects and celebrate Auntie's life. 

To my aunt, I salute you for who you were; for everything you went through, and everything you did for me and those I love. Your generosity and kindness will never be forgotten, and I will forever remember you as my ‘sequin-wearing dancing aunty’.  

My cousin Yvonne, her son Brandon and my sequin-wearing aunty.